Personal 1: Stay-At-Home Motherhood

My mom and I are best friends. I grew up with her. My dad has always worked a lot, running his own business in another town, and my mom was a stay-at-home mom with me and my younger brother, Thomas. My dad would leave early in the mornings, before I would wake up, and he wouldn’t get home until nine or ten. This meant that I’d spend most days with my mom. The idea that stay at home mothers, and stay at home parents in general, literally just stay at home is the furthest thing from the truth. Although PTA meetings, choir rehearsals, athletic practices, helping with homework, and so much more of what stay at home mothers do is not seen as “real work,” I know from firsthand experience that being a stay at home mother is a JOB, and part of it is dealing with assholes that look down on them for not working a nine to five. I first witnessed the look that flashes across people’s faces when you reveal that your mom doesn’t work in the fifth grade. Sometimes people look surprised, other times it’s an eye roll or mild disgust. This one was surprise. Most of the mothers of the kids at my private elementary school were non-working mothers, so it shouldn’t have been a big deal, but I think that it was the fact that my mother is black that made it surprising. You don’t see many non working black mothers, mostly because a lot of them don’t have a choice. There are a variety of reasons for this, but we won’t get into that right now. The point is that people need to stop policing motherhood. Being a mom is hard work, for non-working and working mothers alike, and especially for black mothers. There is no one way to do it, and no method is better than another. So instead of judging someone for the ways they chose to raise their child, pat your local mom on the back, and let her know she’s doing a great job.